Something that always surprises me is the willingness of many couples to just ‘go with the flow’ when it comes to their wedding ceremony.
And by ‘go with the flow’, I mean that they are happy to take their chosen venue’s instruction to get a registrar booked straightaway and then that’s it – box ticked. OK, so obviously I’m going to say this as a wedding celebrant (!) but if you’re planning a wedding, surely the ceremony is the bit that makes it a wedding (as opposed to a really expensive party)?
So… shouldn’t it be afforded a lot more attention than it often is?
Like I said, I do realise I’m biased here, but please indulge me for a moment:
Imagine you have just found the perfect venue for your wedding day. It’s beautiful and in a great location. You book it, and the events manager says to you that part of the deal is that a caterer will be provided. However, the caterer will be one of many on their list. You don’t get to choose which, and you’ll be served the food that they have in that day, whatever it is.
Seems unthinkable, right? You would want to have a say in the sort of food you and your guests would eat on your wedding day!
I can’t imagine many couples would be OK with an arrangement like this.
And yet… despite carefully choosing a photographer to capture the day in a style they love, a florist whose flair for colour fits their theme and a dressmaker that really takes the time to understand what they want and to make their dreams come true, they book a registrar for their ceremony.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not bashing the registrars here. Most registrars are fantastic people who are committed to making the couples they work with have the best ceremony possible.
No, my point is that, just as that imaginary couple with the catering dilemma may well have had an excellent meal at their wedding, they wouldn’t have had a choice in it – it would have been the luck of the draw.
And however lovely the registrar will be, they won’t be chosen by you and they won’t have been able to get to know you and your thoughts, hopes, dreams (and fears!) about the ceremony. They will no doubt say beautiful words about love and marriage, but they can’t know what’s important to you about saying ‘I do’, the journey you’ve been on so far, or that you’re both bonkers about books (so they can’t pepper their words with your favourite quotations).
Of course, I’m passionate about you choosing a celebrant for your wedding day (and more to the point, choosing the right celebrant for you). But more than that, I’m passionate about you consciously choosing everything for your wedding day.
This is a milestone moment. Potentially the best day of your life. You’ve invested your heart, your energy and probably lots of money into it. So don’t settle for ‘meh’ when you can choose ‘hell yeah!’
You have chosen a partner you’re going to commit to for life. You have chosen to get married, and you’ve chosen to celebrate that with your closest loved ones.
You’ve flexed your choosing muscles so now use them to consciously choose the following:
- who you really want at your wedding (not who you “should” have)
- how much you can sustainably afford to spend
- how you would like your wedding to feel – for you and for your guests
- your top 5 things that are important to you about your wedding day (feel free to spend less on the rest or even chuck them completely)
- the suppliers that will be with you on the day – they should all be people you’d be happy to spend an evening with- especially people like celebrants, make-up artists and photographers
Oh, and of course, this choice goes for everything to do with your wedding. Don’t sleepwalk into any decisions to keep the peace or because it’s ‘tradition.’ Consciously choosing every aspect of your day as carefully as you choose your partner will make sure that you have the most awesome and perfect day imaginable.
And if you think I’d be a good fit for your awesome and perfect day… let’s talk!