Have you been scouring the internet for diet tips to get into shape before your wedding?
Have you ordered your wedding clothes a size or two smaller in the hope you’ll be a slimmer version of yourself by the big day?
Have you started an intense exercise regime in order to lose inches and tone up for your moment down the aisle?
Do you find yourself worrying about how you’ll look from the side when you exchange your vows?
Does your daily diet consist more of protein shakes than of real food in the run-up to your I dos?
Friend, put down that Slimming Magazine and the tasteless ‘choc-lite’ bar. I have some real tips for you about losing weight for your wedding day:
1. What you really need to lose is the weight of expectations
There are 1001 things that seem to be expected of a couple the moment they get engaged. These expectations (whether they’re from society at large, the media or your Uncle Roger), often start with a ‘should’. And some of the most messed up ‘shoulds’ of all of these (including the pernicious ‘you should be slender on your wedding day’) come from pure and unadulterated patriarchal bullsh*t that has been around so long that it feels like law.
Newsflash – it isn’t!
I mean, lose a few pounds if you’re doing it for your health or because you wanted to anyway, but please, for the love of all that is holy, do not do it because of the expectations of others. And please don’t make how you look on your big day more important than how you feel.
2. Your wedding dreams should fit you, not the other way around
I was once given some wise advice from a friend who is a personal stylist. She told me that if a piece of clothing is too big/small/long/short, it’s the clothing that doesn’t fit you, not you that doesn’t fit the clothing.
Seems obvious, right? And yet how often do people berate themselves for being the wrong size for the object of their sartorial desire, rather than realise that the item is actually wrong for their perfect-just-as-they-are bodies?
Your whole wedding day should be created to fit you and your beloved just as you are – I’m talking from your underwear to your venue. Please don’t make your gorgeous selves any less (either physically or personality-wise) to fit into an outfit – or any other wedding day detail, for that matter.
3. Your beloved is marrying you for who you are, not (just) what you look like
You fell in love with your partner for a multitude of reasons: the way they laugh to themselves when they’re listening to comedy podcasts… how they talk to the cat when they think nobody else is around… their excellent snogging technique… how passionate they are when they’re talking about the work that they love… or just the way your tummy goes to butterflies when they walk into the room. And it’s the same for them.
Whilst shiny hair, dark eyes, toned arms, awesome tatts or other physical attributes probably feature amongst the reasons you love each other, I’m willing to bet that these sorts of things are not the only reason you two are crazy for each other (but if they are, do revise whether marriage is the best choice for you right now…)
You dig each other just as you are – and you’re about to agree to spend the rest of your lives together. That mutual acceptance and adoration is the whole point of this wedding. So if anyone on the invitation list feels like they’re a person who will only accept a slimmer version of you, maybe it’s time to make a slimmer version of the guest list instead?
4. Your wedding vows shouldn’t be a commitment to change – so embrace what is
Just before the vows at a wedding I conducted recently, I said this:
These vows aren’t about committing to change or being better than you already are. They are a celebration of your love for each other, and a statement of intent that you will continue to be there for each other just as you have been so far and you are right now in this moment.
Accept what is – in yourself and in your partner – just as you have done all the time you’ve been together. Commit to bringing out the best in yourselves, by all means, but please don’t commit to the outdated expectations of others.
Some things to muse on:
What is losing weight for your wedding day really saying about the commitment you’re making?
Whose approval are you seeking by making yourself less than you are right now?
What is really important about this wedding, to you and to your partner?
Are you fun to be around when you’re hangry???
Whatever the number on the weighing scales says, if you’re looking to get married and you want a celebrant who gets it – why not give me a call?